i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
