Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
