I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
