8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
