Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
