The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
