I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
