I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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