i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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