After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
