i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
