yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
