NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
