so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Acid is not a monday night drug
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
