My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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