ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just blew my weed a kiss
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
