just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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