Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
