you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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