What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
