she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
