u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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