I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
