My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
