I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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