Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
