if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
