Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
