I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
