the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
