just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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