dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
