I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
