And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
