I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
