So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just pee around me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
