his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
