Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
