Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
