Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
