i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
