I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
why is half of my head shaved?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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