Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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