I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
In America we eat man semen.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
