Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
