Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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