im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
