Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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