you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
