dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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