How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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