Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
