whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
