i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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