I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
