i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
