Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
