i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
