You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
