yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
